It has been meltdown city around here this weekend, with the high point being a several-minute search for Michael after he ran away from Bob in Target. (He completely refuses to accept the fact that he is supposed to stay with an adult at the store. We immediately left the store and began driving home, at which time he announced that he needed to go to a new family that would let him do what he wanted.)
Of course this was a couple of hours after him completely falling apart while we were out shopping for new seating for the living room, due to being told we were not buying the power lift recliner he had fallen in love with. Unfortunately, I had let him sit in it for a while as we looked at the furniture in that area of the store, and by the time I called him away, he had already named it and decided that they were good friends. He cried so hard that his face was all splotchy and his eyes were red.
After much conversation and attempts at redirection, he accepted the fact that we were purchasing the “cuddle chair,” i.e. reclining chair-and-a-half that both he and I can sit in together, and even went back to explain the situation to his friend (the other chair) so that he wouldn’t be sad.
Contrast these experiences to his social skills group last week, where they were talking about happy and sad feelings, and what makes them happy or sad. He was completely flummoxed by his classmate saying she feels sad when her little brother falls down and hurts himself; he couldn’t imagine how that would make her sad.
Despite everything I have read about autism and theory of mind and executive function, I just don’t know what to actually DO when dealing with a child for whom the thoughts inside his head are absolute truth and the advice and instruction from his parents or other adults has very little impact.
I want so much for him to be happy, and to not be so overwhelmed and sad by so many things in his life. But I also want need him to learn to obey us and not run away or whine/argue/threaten when he doesn’t get his own way. We had a couple of really great weeks at the beginning of the year and now things are just getting worse and worse.
So as happy as I am that he is talking and expressing emotion and able to have a conversation (and I truly am very happy about those things), I am sad about how difficult everything seems to be right now.
I'm a mom with Asperger's raising an amazing son with autism, which means I'm basically the case manager/advocate/cheerleader/chauffeur. The rest of the time, you can usually find me with my nose in a book!
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
I am so sorry you are having such a rough time. I will be praying for you through this.
I am so sorry you are having such a rough time. I will be praying for you through this.
One of the hardest things is when things are going hard.
For me, I still have a difficult time wrapping my head around how their thought process goes. It just doesn’t make sense to me many times. It is also very interesting how they seem to find feelings for inanimate objects, but not ‘human’ objects….not that humans are objects, yadd, yadda, yadda.
As difficult as I know that shopping experience was for you, and how truly frustrated you probably are, at least find some humor that he became good friends with and named such an fun chair!
Mia´s last blog post..Moms Still Give Good Advice
One of the hardest things is when things are going hard.
For me, I still have a difficult time wrapping my head around how their thought process goes. It just doesn’t make sense to me many times. It is also very interesting how they seem to find feelings for inanimate objects, but not ‘human’ objects….not that humans are objects, yadd, yadda, yadda.
As difficult as I know that shopping experience was for you, and how truly frustrated you probably are, at least find some humor that he became good friends with and named such an fun chair!
Mia´s last blog post..Moms Still Give Good Advice
I found the middle paragraph about his reaction to the girl resounded with me quite well. I still have difficulty with the fact that when other people get injured, I laugh. Intellectually, I can tell myself, this is a sad occurence. Frown and say something sympathetic. But the fact is, most injuries are amusing to watch occur, and so sadness is not an emotion I would feel as a result of watching one. So for me, the empathy process is more of a matter of needing better inhibition (telling myself not to laugh) then mining some deeper empathy.
Cale´s last blog post..Boring book on Blaze
I found the middle paragraph about his reaction to the girl resounded with me quite well. I still have difficulty with the fact that when other people get injured, I laugh. Intellectually, I can tell myself, this is a sad occurence. Frown and say something sympathetic. But the fact is, most injuries are amusing to watch occur, and so sadness is not an emotion I would feel as a result of watching one. So for me, the empathy process is more of a matter of needing better inhibition (telling myself not to laugh) then mining some deeper empathy.
Cale´s last blog post..Boring book on Blaze
I’m so sorry that things are not going well for you and your family. ((hugs))
When my son was in elementary school it was the absolute pits. Melt downs galore, numerous behavior problems, etc., but finally things got better. It was a slow process, but looking back now it all seems like a distant memory. Don’t worry. Things will get better soon.
I remember when I used to say, “can’t we just have one normal day?”
Amazing_Grace´s last blog post..Social Skills Activity Book
It always seems like there’s something to struggle with, doesn’t it? These kids keep us on our knees asking for wisdom and direction.
I think it’s totally cute that he had to make things right with the power lift recliner!
Rhemashope´s last blog post..Song Without Words
It always seems like there’s something to struggle with, doesn’t it? These kids keep us on our knees asking for wisdom and direction.
I think it’s totally cute that he had to make things right with the power lift recliner!
Rhemashope´s last blog post..Song Without Words
I’m sorry to hear that things are hard right now. All I can say is that you’re not alone. I hope things improve soon. Daniel used to be able to express emotions, but lately he’s always “happy”. That’s what he says anyway, but he could be shrieking and kicking on the floor and clearly NOT happy. Some behavior issues are emerging and I’m getting desperate to find answers. I need a book or something…
Thinking of you.
((HUGS))
Julie´s last blog post..Hi.
I’m sorry to hear that things are hard right now. All I can say is that you’re not alone. I hope things improve soon. Daniel used to be able to express emotions, but lately he’s always “happy”. That’s what he says anyway, but he could be shrieking and kicking on the floor and clearly NOT happy. Some behavior issues are emerging and I’m getting desperate to find answers. I need a book or something…
Thinking of you.
((HUGS))
Julie´s last blog post..Hi.
Thank you for sharing that story. It lets us know a bit more about what’s going on, how he feels, how you feel…I just wanted to tel you that I think you are amazing. Honestly, you are such a great mom and also, apart from being a mom, such a great woman. You are interesting, smart and funny. Thank you for being you, Trish, our lives are richer because of it.
Classic Mama´s last blog post..New Skill to the Craftless
Thank you for sharing that story. It lets us know a bit more about what’s going on, how he feels, how you feel…I just wanted to tel you that I think you are amazing. Honestly, you are such a great mom and also, apart from being a mom, such a great woman. You are interesting, smart and funny. Thank you for being you, Trish, our lives are richer because of it.
Classic Mama´s last blog post..New Skill to the Craftless
We get in these ruts, too, with Jacob. He’ll have a really good week, and then something will set him off and everything will turn into one big struggle. Sometimes it seems that you just can’t reason with him. This post really hits home because, even though Jacob is not autistic, I recognize these very traits in Jacob. It’s frustrating and maddening.
Lis Garrett´s last blog post..Farmer’s Wife added the blog post ‘Family Mantras; do you have one?’
We get in these ruts, too, with Jacob. He’ll have a really good week, and then something will set him off and everything will turn into one big struggle. Sometimes it seems that you just can’t reason with him. This post really hits home because, even though Jacob is not autistic, I recognize these very traits in Jacob. It’s frustrating and maddening.
Lis Garrett´s last blog post..Farmer’s Wife added the blog post ‘Family Mantras; do you have one?’
we too, are deaing with the “learn to obey and not run away” thing with josiah right now. when you find the answer let me know too!
it is so frustrating when they just don’t get it. and how unsafe it is when they run away at the store.
we too, are deaing with the “learn to obey and not run away” thing with josiah right now. when you find the answer let me know too!
it is so frustrating when they just don’t get it. and how unsafe it is when they run away at the store.