It was recently suggested to me that I make a lot of my decisions out of fear, so this quote from Norman Vincent Peale caught my eye when I saw it the other day:
Fear can infect us early in life until eventually it cuts a deep groove of apprehension in all of our thinking. To counteract it, let faith, hope, and courage enter your thinking. Fear is strong, but faith is stronger yet.
One of my biggest motivators has probably been the fear of looking stupid. Ironic, because I am actually fairly intelligent. I remember my mother telling me, “For someone so smart, you sure are dumb!” when I couldn’t find something she sent me to look for in her bedroom. I think a lot of my unrealistic expectations for myself and others come out of the lack of guidance in my childhood.
For instance, if something doesn’t come easily to me, I can get very embarrassed or upset and will often avoid that activity. This come partly from the fear of looking dumb, but also from believing that I *should* be able to catch onto things quickly. That feeling of “it shouldn’t be this difficult” also leaves me wide open for getting easily frustrated with others when they aren’t able to do something or don’t respond the way I think they should.
I am learning that it is best to be straightforward about what you know and don’t know, what you can do and can’t do (yet), and that to just view that as looking at the facts, rather than as being a shameful thing. Even as I write this, I am thinking to myself, “Why even bother saying this? I’m sure everyone else already knows this and you are the only one who doesn’t get it.” But I’m saying it anyway because then I can hopefully move on from here to a better place in my thinking.
I'm a mom with Asperger's raising an amazing son with autism, which means I'm basically the case manager/advocate/cheerleader/chauffeur. The rest of the time, you can usually find me with my nose in a book!
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh my goodness, I say “this shouldn’t be so difficult” all the time. I’m going to stop. Never think “why bother” there is always someone out there who needs to read your words. I lived in fear for many years then I learned that God covers us while we learning something new.
“God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline” (2nd Timothy 1:7 NLT)
.-= Territory Mom´s last blog ..Thankful Thursday – Another First =-.
Oh my goodness, I say “this shouldn’t be so difficult” all the time. I’m going to stop. Never think “why bother” there is always someone out there who needs to read your words. I lived in fear for many years then I learned that God covers us while we learning something new.
“God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline” (2nd Timothy 1:7 NLT)
.-= Territory Mom´s last blog ..Thankful Thursday – Another First =-.
Oh, I forgot isn’t funny how there are so many books about overcoming fear and changing your way of thinking. There is no sense buying all of them because they are all based on Norman Vincent Peale, what a great man.
.-= Territory Mom´s last blog ..Thankful Thursday – Another First =-.
Oh, I forgot isn’t funny how there are so many books about overcoming fear and changing your way of thinking. There is no sense buying all of them because they are all based on Norman Vincent Peale, what a great man.
.-= Territory Mom´s last blog ..Thankful Thursday – Another First =-.
I think I can understand where you are coming from. I saw a little part of myself as for example If I am explaining something to someone and I say it over and over and they just don’t get it I get frustrated. My thinking is I understand it how is it that hard not to understand. You should understand it too. LOL Maybe that is coming out wrong. Hope you have a great Friday.
.-= Stacie´s last blog ..Super Mommy’s First Blog Hop =-.
Fear is a difficult one to get your head around, but sounds as though you are getting there.
.-= Casdok´s last blog ..Touch wood =-.
Fear is a difficult one to get your head around, but sounds as though you are getting there.
.-= Casdok´s last blog ..Touch wood =-.
I would love to say I live by faith 24/7 but I would be lying. I do have some fear creep in there from time to time. Probably a little more often then I would like. I can so relate with this whole post. I am the same way about fearing I “will look dumb”. Just think of the endless possibilities if we all just took a leap of faith and could drown out the fears of failure, looking dumb, etc….
.-= Shawnda´s last blog ..Wednesday Is Evaluation Day =-.
I would love to say I live by faith 24/7 but I would be lying. I do have some fear creep in there from time to time. Probably a little more often then I would like. I can so relate with this whole post. I am the same way about fearing I “will look dumb”. Just think of the endless possibilities if we all just took a leap of faith and could drown out the fears of failure, looking dumb, etc….
.-= Shawnda´s last blog ..Wednesday Is Evaluation Day =-.
What a great title! I could think about that all afternoon!
.-= Julie´s last blog ..What I’m working on =-.
What a great title! I could think about that all afternoon!
.-= Julie´s last blog ..What I’m working on =-.
Many hugs Trish
Perfectionistism takes such a toll
Trish – Of course you are very smart and you know it but I know the feeling ( google “Imposter Syndrome” sometime and see if it fits your workside personality – there is some comfort in knowing about it
.-= Kajoli´s last blog ..SOOC Saturday – Being Loved Part Two =-.
Many hugs Trish
Perfectionistism takes such a toll
Trish – Of course you are very smart and you know it but I know the feeling ( google “Imposter Syndrome” sometime and see if it fits your workside personality – there is some comfort in knowing about it
.-= Kajoli´s last blog ..SOOC Saturday – Being Loved Part Two =-.
Thank you for writing this at a time when I need it. You are not alone or the only one who doesn’t get it. So many of us have the same struggles with the ghosts from our childhood. I struggle everyday to overcome not being good enough and in my own mind constantly coming up short because of the standards that I was judged by as a child and far into adulthood. In so many ways we are all siblings who grew up in different homes. Maybe more faith is what is missing from my life.
Thank you for writing this at a time when I need it. You are not alone or the only one who doesn’t get it. So many of us have the same struggles with the ghosts from our childhood. I struggle everyday to overcome not being good enough and in my own mind constantly coming up short because of the standards that I was judged by as a child and far into adulthood. In so many ways we are all siblings who grew up in different homes. Maybe more faith is what is missing from my life.
I really had to work through some deeply hidden fears last year as I was preparing for the birth of our third child. As a matter of fact, much of my homebirth journey was primarily about overcoming fear and being confident in accepting responsibility for my own decisions — regardless of the outcome.
Unfortunately, fear is a common thread running through our media, our medical industry, our education system, and most of our religious communities. Fear clouds our judgment so that we cannot see the big picture and use our intellect to work through options, risks, and history.
This is a great post, friend. I would much rather make decisions in love and faith than be controlled and conquered by fear. Thank you for the reminder!
.-= 2Shaye´s last blog ..Full, Undivided Attention =-.
I just wanted to let you know it was a great post and it spoke to me!!! I hear you and I too no longer want to live by fear. Great job stepping out and writing it! Have a great vacation too!
.-= Livin’´s last blog ..Discussion of PPD -Postpartum Depression =-.
I just wanted to let you know it was a great post and it spoke to me!!! I hear you and I too no longer want to live by fear. Great job stepping out and writing it! Have a great vacation too!
.-= Livin’´s last blog ..Discussion of PPD -Postpartum Depression =-.
I used to feel that way quite often. Now, as a “mom”, I have finally come to grips with the fact none of us have any clue what we’re doing most times….I’ve become willing to admit my faults / my cluelessness so others are more comfortable as well. It makes us all more “real”.
.-= MiaHysteria´s last blog ..Not Me Monday~8-30-09 =-.
I used to feel that way quite often. Now, as a “mom”, I have finally come to grips with the fact none of us have any clue what we’re doing most times….I’ve become willing to admit my faults / my cluelessness so others are more comfortable as well. It makes us all more “real”.
.-= MiaHysteria´s last blog ..Not Me Monday~8-30-09 =-.