The last few days have been such an emotional roller coaster for me as autism has truly interrupted our lives more than it has in a while. There have been meltdowns on all fronts and a lack of sleep as well as difficulty focusing on the task in front of me, especially at work.
(Side note: I know that Michael is the one primarily affected, and I am working on his behalf to increase the support and help he is getting, so please forgive me for focusing on myself in this post – it doesn’t mean I don’t realize that all of this is so much harder and more confusing for him than for me.)
This past weekend was a very busy one for our family. Between helping at the Autism Awareness Walk for our local Autism Society, actually walking with Bob & Michael and going out to lunch as a family, and then serving in the Friendship Station that night at church, Saturday had very little downtime. Then Sunday was the start of Challenger Baseball, with our church small group meeting scheduled for that evening.
Challenger Baseball turned out to be quite a disaster for Michael. It didn’t help that the first day includes taking photos and an opening ceremony before the game.
Once the opening ceremony finally began, Michael became upset that everyone was cheering for the other teams, and then hit the emcee when he pronounced our last name incorrectly. There was additional hitting and kicking and throwing of the baseball glove at various times as I tried to get him to continue on to the game, and I finally told the coach we would have to leave.
Once we got in the car, I lost it. Michael had gotten engrossed with a toy that was in the car and was completely over the whole situation by that point, and when he realized I was crying, he honestly couldn’t figure out what I was sad about.
By the time I got home I realized that we shouldn’t even try to go to small group. That upset him, but I figured the stress from the schedule change would be less than what could happen if we actually went. And I knew that I was in no condition to handle any difficulties that might arise.
It was really a bummer for me because we have not been in a small group in a long time, and this group has been very welcoming to us. I had planned to have the leaders and their children over to our house for dinner soon, but I think I will need to hold off on that until we get things a bit more under control around here.
So anyway, I’ve learned (once again) that I need to be really careful about how much goes on the schedule, especially on the weekends. I’ve also realized that I need to be really, really careful about putting Michael in situations that he sees as competitive in any way, at least for now.
And I’m still learning about how expectations can lead to disappointment. That seems to be the hardest lesson of all.
I'm a mom with Asperger's raising an amazing son with autism, which means I'm basically the case manager/advocate/cheerleader/chauffeur. The rest of the time, you can usually find me with my nose in a book!
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
many many manymanyhugs
Itssoooo hard sometimes
Thank you so much – I really appreciate the support.
I'm so sorry! We had a difficult day today. It must be the phase of the moon! LOL! Living with someone with autism is like a rollercoaster ride, but one in the dark. You have no idea what drops and turns are coming up! And this is very stressful–especially for you! Hopefully this weekend will go better!
I hadn't thought of it being in the dark – that adds a whole new dimension to the analogy! I am definitely planning to keep this weekend VERY low key and flexible.
Hugs to you Trish! We've all been there you're not alone and don't ever feel guilty about feeling selfish for how you feel. It really is OK and letting it out on the blog is the best therapy. We're here for you even if it's just "to listen".
We've totally had those days too. You are definitely not alone. I hope the week got better for you guys!
Oh, how I can totally relate to this! My E has such a difficult time with competition and is now at an age where they do keep score in soccer. There are many games where we had to pull him out because he could not handle the other team scoring. It doesn't seem to matter how much we talk about it or how many social stories we write, losing is just so difficult for him. (We have another boy on the spectrum on our team and he just goes to practice but doesn't play in the games…works so well for him.)
Hugs to you on this friend. I also tend to overschedule the weekends and then regret it. It's like I think just this one time that frenzied of a schedule will be OK. And it never is!