Can you believe the first month of 2012 is already ending? I am even more amazed when I look back at all the things that have happened.

Almost two weeks ago, I arrived home after work to receive the news from my son’s babysitter that he had found another part-time job and his last day would be that Friday – not a fun conversation, for sure! I initially thought I would go back to Care.com (which I love) and look for another person to pick him up from school and watch him for those two hours, but then it occurred to me to check with the after-school program that is run in our school building by the YMCA.

Thankfully, the Y program had an opening, although they needed me to fill out a ton of paperwork and give them a week to process everything. So I called on another mom whose daughter is in Michael’s class, and she was willing to watch him after school for the entire week in between. Such a blessing! We actually attend the same church, and she has since offered to be his fill-in buddy if they ever need her for children’s church.

He did a great job at their house, with only minimal whining here and there, and then he started the Kids’ Klub yesterday. Not only are they accepting of children with disabilities; they have even asked for a copy of his IEP so they can reinforce his behavior goals and also access any grant money that may be available to purchase things which would support him there, such as fidgets or headphones or whatever.

In the midst of all of this, I got a notice from the Dept of Public Welfare that his MA benefits would be ending because they hadn’t gotten all of the paperwork needed for his annual renewal. Well, I had done the renewal only at the end of November and faxed everything they requested with the eform # clearly visible on each page.

Nonetheless, I had to call the state support line and have them open a ticket to ask the county office to look for the fax. I got a call three days later asking me to refax the documents they needed. I am hoping all is taken care of because God only knows how he would get through school without his TSS. Don’t you love bureaucracies?

At least I have cut back on most of my commitments outside of work since I went back to full-time hours, so all of this is not sending me completely over the edge. My biggest time commitment right now is reviewing for 5 Minutes for Books, which I am really enjoying. Not only am I getting to read a great selection of books, but my writing skills are getting a bit more of a workout, which is always a good thing!

How about you? Was the first month of the year calm or crazy?

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I actually ended my year with a fun-filled trip to the vet, complete with cats escaping from the carrier before I could get them out to the car and lugging said carrier with 27 lbs of cat inside into the building for their exams.

We were there quite a while, and after much exploration, Wallace and Willow found an empty cabinet that they seemed to like! (Sorry about all the shadows; I am not much of a camera person and this was on my itouch anyway.)

Michael started the year with a new reward menu at school. We have increased the time it takes to earn a checkmark from six minutes to ten, but we also cut the point value of all rewards in half and added some new rewards that he seems quite excited about.

One of the new options is to help with the morning announcements, and he spent a good chunk of the week earning this. He was so excited about it, and he did a great job! The first picture is of Michael reading the opening lines before turning it over to one of the seasoned vets, and the second is all three of the kids saying in unison, “Let’s all be Paxtang Proud!”

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For those of you that would rather go straight to the bottom line, here it is: I have recently been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome.

Before I elaborate on that, I want to say that I know there are people who will question the validity of the diagnosis and even disparage me for seeking it in the first place, and I’m sure there are others who will be moved to pity or sadness for me. But I am hopeful that there are more who will be supportive and encouraging of my journey, and possibly even a few who will be encouraged by me in some way.

You may be wondering what has brought me to this point in my life. (At least I hope you are, because I am getting ready to tell you anyway!)

It’s sort of ironic that my son was diagnosed with autism in December of 2004, but I didn’t really consider that it might apply to me until October 2010, when I attended a conference with Dr. Tony Attwood. During that session, he spent a significant portion of his time talking about girls and Asperger’s. As he described what might be the day in the life of a teenage girl with Asperger’s, I felt like he was describing my own life in vivid color. I didn’t realize until he was almost done that I was actually crying.

I went home and didn’t say anything to anyone right away about the experience, sort of pondering things in my heart, so to speak. When I did write up my notes from the conference, my husband read them and immediately asked if I thought I might have AS. We both felt this made a lot of sense, but I still wasn’t sure. My biggest question really had to do with the issue of nature versus nurture; i.e. could all of my differences and challenges be explained by the way I grew up, or was the answer more intrinsically related to how I am.

After tossing this idea around and around with my therapist and a few Aspie bloggers I connected with, I finally decided it would be best to get an evaluation with professionals who are experienced in this area, so I went to a nearby autism center.

Over the course of a few months, I met with two different psychologists and a psychiatrist at the center, all of whom agreed that I do qualify for a diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome (in addition to depression, currently in remission, and anxiety – both extremely common comorbid conditions for people on the spectrum, especially those diagnosed later in life).

It has been almost two months since the feedback session at the autism center, and I have begun to realize that receiving the diagnosis is not simply the end of the process of looking for an answer, but is really a beginning to the process of changing the way I view myself and seeing all the opportunities I have to make my life what I want it to be.

So many things that seemed completely out of reach in the past may now be possible if I take a different approach. Or I may decide that those things aren’t actually what I want, but are just what I thought I was supposed to want. Of course, there are many things that I don’t want to do, but have to because they are part of life, but at least I don’t have to beat myself up for finding them difficult.

Before hearing the diagnosis, I had only shared my thoughts about it in real life with my husband, my therapist, and two friends. Each of these conversations was incredibly difficult, primarily because of a huge fear of ridicule and/or rejection.

Since the diagnosis, I have told a few more people, including my boss and my son, and those encounters have gone fairly well. Because I write about autism and related topics on my blog, however, I knew that this new information would begin to color my posts and I feel it is worth the risk to share the information here in the hopes that I will find even more support and also that it may help someone else who is struggling.

In reflecting on my experiences as a blogger, I re-read my very first post, entitled Where to start?, and found it to be extremely revealing regarding aspects of my personality and also quite appropriate to how I feel at the beginning of this new part of my life. I hope you’ll indulge me if I re-post part of it here:

I feel like my whole life has been spent trying to figure out all the answers and the right way to do something before I even put the first two pieces together. In my head, I realize you have to put yourself out there and do the best you can, but the rest of me always tries to pull back to safety. So, although it may not seem like a big step to most people, I am starting this venture without having read up on all the technical aspects of blogging or even the social/etiquette rules of the blog world. I am going to learn as I go along.

If you’ve made it this far, I would like to say thank you for reading this very long and self-centered post. I appreciate all of those who have supported and encouraged me to this point and hope you all have a very Happy and Blessed New Year!

So, now it’s your turn. Questions? Comments?

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What a whirlwind of a month this has been for books – and not just because of what I’ve been reading, although I did finish 11 books since my last WOYN post.

No, the big news this month is that I have been asked to join the team at 5 Minutes for Books as a reviewer! This is such an awesome opportunity to find even more great reads and to share them with many more people than I can here, and I am thrilled to be a part of such an amazing group of women (and bloggers).

So far, I have posted four reviews at 5MFB, one of which was actually for a children’s book app called The Sounds of Night. The books I reviewed are The Mercy by Beverly Lewis, 1225 Christmas Tree Lane by Debbie Macomber, and The Queen by Steven James. My next review will be for The Encounter by Stephen Arterburn, which I absolutely loved!

I read a bit more young adult fiction this month, plus the latest from Terri Blackstock (a favorite author), another short Christmas novel, and a fantastic new novel from Tracie Peterson:

• Messenger by Lois Lowry
• The Mirror of N’de by L.K. Malone
• The Higher Power of Lucky by Susan Patron
• Entwined by Heather Dixon
• Vicious Cycle by Terri Blackstock
• A Marriage Carol by Chris Fabry & Gary Chapman
• House of Secrets by Tracie Peterson

I also reviewed a couple of books that I had mentioned in my November post but hadn’t written about yet. Both were quite good.

• Asperger’s From the Inside Out: A Supportive and Practical Guide for Anyone with Asperger’s Syndrome by Michael John Carley
• Surprised by Oxford: A Memoir by Carolyn Weber

Currently, my nightstand and bookshelf are overflowing with books, between my library stacks and all the review copies that have been coming in, so I’ll just show you a couple of pictures rather than try to list them all here.

To read more posts or join in yourself, visit What’s On Your Nightstand? at 5 Minutes for Books.

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• What’s On Your Nightstand – January 2011
• What Happened to Hannah by Mary Kay McComas
• Asperger Awareness by Stephen Plowright

Do you recall trying to sleep on Christmas Eve while waiting for Santa to come to town? The anticipation of Saint Nicolas and all his goodies was just too much—who could sleep? The lyrics of Santa Claus is Coming to Town taunted me. “He sees you when you’re sleeping—he knows when you’re awake…” I tossed and turned trying to fall asleep, fearful I’d miss out on Santa’s visit if he caught me awake. I never doubted Santa’s ability to be aware of my wakefulness.

Unfortunately, as adults, the issues that keep us awake during the Christmas season are more complicated than those we experienced as kids. Financial burdens, strained relationships, difficult decisions, brooding regrets and fretful thoughts race through our minds and hinder our rest.

There is someone who “sees you when you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake.” It’s not Santa Claus. The Bible reminds us, God’s eyes never close. Perhaps this truth can tuck us in for the night.

“He will not allow your foot to be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.” (Psalm 121:3-4)

We erroneously think that as we “turn in” that God somehow “turns off” or moves on to do more important things. But God doesn’t wait for us to wake up before He returns to work. God is just as active during our sleep—or sleeplessness. Believers can rest assured knowing God is awake guarding our lives.

What does God do as we slumber? Psalm 127:1-2 reminds us that God gives to those that He loves as they sleep. What does God give? Understanding God’s generous nature, one rendering would be that God gives to the believer whatever is needed at the time. God can give you wisdom and direction with decisions as you “sleep on it” overnight (Psalm 16:7, James 1:5). Maybe there is a financial need. The scriptures are filled with examples of how God provided for the physical needs of those He loved as they rested (I Kings 19:1-8; Exodus 16:1-8).

God’s gifts are good, perfect (James 1:17), eternal (Ephesians 1:3) and purposeful (Galatians 5:22-25). They do not require batteries, warranties and cannot be purchased in stores. But they are available 24/7/365—not limited to one night each year. God’s greatest gift did not arrive under a tree but on a tree (John 3:16). “He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him freely give us all things?” (Romans 8:32)

It’s plain to see, God has our back as we sleep. Try this Christmas recipe for rest.

1. Repent—in areas where we are aware of our transgressions. “A clean conscience
   makes a soft pillow.”
2. Release—control of problems you’re facing and give them over to God.
3. Relate—connect with God through prayer and meditation while in bed.
4. Rest—allow God to do what you cannot do for yourself as you sleep.
5. Receive—God’s unmerited forgiveness, grace and blessings while you sleep.

An English proverb reminds us, “As you make your bed so you must lie in it.” The truth of God’s Word helps us face our situations. Although we cannot change the failures of our past, we can rest with a clean conscience based on God’s gift of forgiveness. Our current circumstances may appear overwhelming, but God gives His presence and His guidance in our hour of need. Our future is secure and hopeful when God’s greatest gift—His Son—is kept in view. A life supported by a vibrant, healthy relationship with the Shepherd of Sleep makes the most comfortable mattress. In childlike faith learn to trust Him as you lie down to sleep and remember: “He sees you when you’re sleeping.”

Dr. Charles W. Page is a sleep-deprived surgeon who completed medical school and residency at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston, Texas. Dr. Page is currently a rural surgeon and has taken numerous medical mission trips to South America and the Middle East. He and his wife Joanna live in Texas with their five children. He is the author of Surrendered Sleep: A Biblical Perspective. You can find more information at surrenderedsleep.com.

Surrendered Sleep

A Biblical Perspective
by Dr. Charles W. Page

PUBLISHER: Camino Real Publishers
ISBN-10: 0983138109
ISBN-13: 978-0983138105
PRICE: Paperback: $14.95; Ebook: $10.95

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Have you noticed how much college textbooks cost these days? And did you know that you can actually rent them instead of buying them?

Since I graduated with my bachelor’s over 20 years ago, I haven’t paid much attention to the cost of college textbooks, so hearing from friends what their children are paying now sends a real shock through my system!

Luckily, another thing that has changed since I got out of school is the advent of textbook rentals. (If they existed at the time, I wasn’t aware of them and they certainly weren’t promoted at my school.)

Enter CampusBookRentals.com. This is a great site to check out if you or someone you know are heading off (or back) to school. They offer a ton of benefits:

They also offer scholarships and monthly giveaways, in addition to partnering with Operation Smile to provide cleft palate surgeries to children who need them.

This is definitely a service I wish had been around when I was in school!

Thank you to CampusBookRentals.com for providing a product compensation for this review.

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Price: Apple App Store: $5.99; Android Marketplace: $2.99

About the App

DESCRIPTION: The Sounds of Night is a book app that helps put a child’s mind at ease when the lights go out at bedtime. This book addresses one of the primary feelings young children face; fear. The Sounds of Night reinforces the principle that God is the Creator of every creature. Since God makes all the animals that scurry and screech at night, children can lie down and sleep in peace.

FEATURES: The Sounds of Night has over 75 touch points/interactions. It has rich illustrations and 4 Bible verses on fear that kids can learn with their parents and share with their friends.

DEVELOPMENT: Jessica Kirkland is a member of Moms with Apps. She recently launched Christian Apps 4 Kids, which seeks to draw kids closer to Christ one app at a time. Her inaugural app is a result of the fear that was such a part of her life:

In every season of life, the Enemy would whisper the lie that I would “never make it” to the next. I believed it. Time and time again, I thought his words held power. As a young child, I never thought I would live to see my school years. Once I entered school, I never thought I would live to see the next day, next grade, or milestone in life. I listened to a very real enemy, even though I didn’t want to. Even though I came from a strong, Christian family, I felt powerless to stop the lies. Fear gripped me, stole from me, and taunted every careful step I took.

Jessica believes the only way to be free from fear, as an adult or child, is to replace fearful thoughts with God’s Word. Her desire for each book project is that they not only build character, but help set kids free.

The book app was developed in partnership with ROAR. Click here for the QR codes for your smartphone or other device.

About Jessica Kirkland

Jessica Kirkland lives in Southeast Texas with her husband, Robb, and five-year-old triplets. She is an author and speaker whose greatest passion in life is to see young families grow deeper in their walk with God. Jessica’s newest adventure includes launching Christian Apps 4 Kids, which seeks to draw kids closer to Christ one app at a time. A recent release is a book app that addresses fear and scary nighttime sounds called The Sounds of Night, designed for kids ages 2-8. When Jessica isn’t writing, you can find her cheering her boys on at the soccer field, or watching her little girl at the dance studio.

To find out more about her current writing projects, connect with her at: www.christianapps4kids.com or on her personal blog: www.jessicakirkland.com.

COMING SOON: Christmas App!

The Lonely Stable

From Jessica Kirkland at Christian Apps 4 Kids

Price: Apple App Store: $5.99; Android Marketplace: $2.99

The Lonely Stable is a book app that reminds children that it’s never too late to live out God’s plan for their lives. Told from the stable’s perspective, this intriguing Christmas book tells the story of Jesus’ birth. From time to time, we all wonder about our purpose in life. The Lonely Stable wondered why he was still standing, for he was weathered and old. As time passed, he began to question his purpose.

This remarkable tale is a lesson that both parents and children can hold on to when they ask questions like, “Why am I here?” or “Does God care about my life?” This book shows us that God has made each of us for a special purpose. The Lonely Stable is aimed at kids ages 2-10 years old.

About the Giveaway

To enter the giveaway, simply leave a comment on this post by December 16th at 5:00 pm Eastern Time. One commenter will be chosen at random and entered into the Grand Prize Giveaway drawing at KCWC.

Note: I received a gift copy of the app in exchange for hosting this blog tour.

Updated 12/16/11 at 5:15 pm EST: Tammy & Parker, your comment was randomly drawn and will be entered into the Grand Prize drawing by KCWC. Thank you to everyone who commented!

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Christmas is a time for traditions, food, merriment, family, and…horrific seasonal sweaters. It’s the only time of year where you can sport apparel with a Rudolph nose that blinks red lights without being teased (too much).

Enter the 2nd Annual Ugly Christmas Sweater Contest and you could win a $500 Visa Gift Card…just in time for Christmas shopping!

Spread some Christmas cheer! Share your picture to win!

There are two ways to enter:

1. Enter the contest on Facebook
2. Enter the contest on WaterBrook’s Website

You can also check out the ugly Christmas sweaters from 2010!

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I wish I had taken a “before” picture, but anyway, here’s the finished product:

Thank you to my friend L. for the use of her button collection, as well as her magical glue dots!

Oh, and in case you couldn’t tell, he’s a bus driver!!

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This month’s Best of the Best topic is on the use of medications: Have you used them with your child or considered using them? If you have used medications with your child, do they help or have they helped? Have medications been recommended but you’ve avoided them and why? Have you had a difficult time finding a qualified pediatric psychiatrist to monitor your child?

I am assuming from the last question that the focus of this topic is primarily on psychiatric medications, as this is the category most people are referring to when they say, “I would never medicate my kid,” or “The schools, or doctors, or nameless, faceless bad guys just want to over-medicate our kids!”

Frankly, I cannot really address this topic on any sort of large scale, being a parent with a non-medical background, so I am simply going to share what our own experience has been with the use of psychiatric medication for our son.

I’ve written a bit over the last few months about our own journey on this front, here, here and here, so I’m going to be referencing some of what I wrote previously as well as sharing where we are now with it.

A psychiatric medication was first suggested to me in the spring of 2009 by my son’s OT, who felt that he would need it for anxiety. The facts that he was only a kindergartner at the time and that the suggestion came to me from a school team member rather than a medical professional caused me to have a very negative reaction to the idea.

In the spring of first grade, Michael had some extreme behavior problems, and the school was asking about it again, so I began taking him to a psychiatric nurse practitioner to get an informed opinion from the appropriate professional, if only to make them stop bringing it up.

With her help, we first worked with the school and his psychologist to address his issues without medication, and it was only after we got to the spring of second grade and saw the same types of major issues that I agreed to consider a medication trial. By this time, we had also had a full evaluation done (for the first time since he was 5) and were given independent recommendations regarding medication from that source as well.

At that point, it was May 2011, and here’s part of what I wrote about the whole idea:

Considering medication is a big step for me. It is scary to consider possible side effects, both short term and longer term that may yet be unkown, plus I keep wondering if there’s something else we could do that would help.

I have even considered moving him to a more restrictive environment at school for part of the day. Although that may be helpful or necessary at some point, we do see the mood swings no matter what environment he is in, even when he is completely in control of what he is doing.

After discussing the specific issues that Michael was facing and the pros and cons regarding medication for each of them, we decided to do a trial of Risperdal for his mood instability, with a follow-up two weeks after starting the lowest dose. We also did not tell anyone at the school except for the nurse about the trial, so that we could get some objective feedback on how he was doing.

Surprisingly, we saw an improvement not only in his mood, but also with his ability to organize his thoughts. Here were some of my comments at the time:

After two weeks, we have not seen any negative reaction to the meds, and we have seen some positive things that cause us to be cautiously optimistic about it.

He has been more communicative with us, sharing stories about what happened in school and expressing concern for his dad’s feelings. He also came up with a plan to do chores to earn money for a video game that he wants!

Things continued to improve as we reached the halfway point of the summer months:

He has been on .2 mg of risperidone since mid-May, and we have continued to see a huge improvement in his mood, as well as more flexibility and organized thinking.

During his two weeks at the babysitter’s he only had 2 or 3 outbursts, and only one of those included aggression. And he has only had 3 aggressive incidents during the first four weeks of his summer program. This is a huge improvement over how school was going and is even better than he did last year at the same sitter and program.

Going back to school was the biggest test, and even that has gone remarkably well. Michael has met his goal with regard to timeouts at school both months so far, even with his full-time aide leaving to take another job and the agency/school scrambling to cover even a few of the hours.

Because he responded so well to the smaller dose, we did not increase it at all and he is continuing at that level even now. As long as it continues to work well and there are no adverse indications from the twice yearly blood tests, we plan to keep giving it to him for at least a year before deciding on the next steps.

My best advice if you are considering the use of a psychiatric medication for your child is to find a qualified professional with strong knowledge and experience in this area, clearly identify the major issues you are dealing with and implement any non-medication related suggestions that may resolve them first.

If you do decide on a medication trial, have a clear time frame and know the criteria you will be using to evaluate the outcome and make the decision regarding ending it, continuing it or changing it in some way. And remember this is not a once and done decision, but an ongoing question to be answered as many times as necessary based on your child’s best interests.

Note: This post was written for the S-O-S Best of the Best, Edition 12: Medications and Their Use with Special Needs Kids, which will be published on November 15th.

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• The Risperdal Trial
• Mid-Summer Update
• What Helps Me Calm Down? Some Answers From Michael