Never Letting Go of Hope
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| Surprise #1: Michael requesting a photo shoot with two favorite stuffed animals |
As I sit here writing out my thoughts for the first time in several weeks, I am thinking of the many reminders of hope that surround me.
We have just celebrated Easter, a day synonymous with hope. No matter what struggles I am facing or confusing situations I am going through, underneath it all is the knowledge that God loves me and that I am His child.
We have also just come through a month in which Michael threw a chair at his teacher, on more than one occasion. The first time was the day before we went for his visit at Pfeiffer Treatment Center to do the testing needed for a customized supplement program designed to address any metabolic imbalances. I am still waiting for the results and hoping that this will make a difference.
This post title comes directly from my favorite quote. It is by Eustacia Cutler (Temple Grandin’s mother), who writes in her book Thorn in My Pocket
I promise that in the future, to your surprise, your dreams will have changed, and changed you.
I know that is not what you want.
What you want is a real talisman, a magic something you think I conjured up to coax Temple into joining life as you hope your child will.
There was no magic, there was just doing the best I could. That’s the point, that’s the talisman.
And never letting go of hope.
It’s true, my dreams have changed, and I have changed too. In many ways, I am stronger and more purposeful than I ever was before. I am more compassionate and also more realistic. At times, I feel more angry and powerless than I could have ever imagined. I must admit I am still looking for the talisman, but I am also trying to do the best I can along the way.
I tend to vacillate widely in terms of hopefulness, sometimes even in the course of a day. My friend Elyse calls this the “cyclical suck,” which I think is a particularly appropriate term because, let’s face it, sometimes life really sucks. But then other times it’s wonderful and filled with promise and joy, and I never want to let myself forget that even when I am feeling full of complaining and whining or woe is me, there is always hope.
And if you don’t believe that, check out this eight-year old who willingly took his first shower and loved it!
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| Surprise #2: Taking his first shower and loving it! |
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