In So Many Words

Surprised by Oxford: A Memoir
by Carolyn Weber
Thomas Nelson (August 2011)
480 pages

In Surprised by Oxford, Carolyn Weber shares her journey from agnosticism to Christianity. The story takes place over the course of a year and is set against the backdrop of time spent in graduate study at Oxford University in England, far from her home in Canada.

From the prologue, we learn that Carolyn had encountered one evangelical Christian professor during her undergraduate studies. She recounts a conversation she had with him after turning in a paper in which she completely missed the point of a poem by John Dunne, and this seems to be the beginning of her thoughts turning towards God:

The truth is in the paradox… Anything not done in submission to God, anything not done to the glory of God, is doomed to failure, frailty, and futility. This is the unholy trinity we humans fear most. And we should, for we entertain it all the time at the pain and expense of not knowing the real one.

The book itself is laid out chronologically, with chapters for each of the terms of the Oxford school calendar. Throughout the course of the year, we are introduced to a wide variety of people – both professors and other students – ranging all the way from atheists to committed Christians.

As time progresses and Carolyn moves farther along her journey, we see her begin to examine everything that happens as a potential sign from God. She even talks about this in relation to actual road signs, after getting lost on a day trip to Stonehenge shortly after arriving at Oxford, and going around in circles trying to figure out what direction to go:

It is easy to coast and even easier to mock the signs, but reading them, really reading them, and then making the largest decision there is, the greatest decision to which all others defer and are tied back to—to know who we are, what we stand for, and for what we are responsible—to read the signs and then choose the right way… well, that’s hard.

There are so many fascinating and beautiful passages in this book, and I was entranced by her description of the moment when she crossed her last internal barrier and took the leap of faith:

It was then that I began to breathe more deeply.
To breathe Him in, and the breathe me out.
And then, I began, every so slowly, to transform.
I did not have to carry everything on my shoulders. I did not have to be everything to everyone. I did not have to know all the answers. Could it be that sometimes glorifying God involves negatives?

There were moments when I would have almost said this book is pretentious, except that the author is so earnest in her exploration of all aspects of faith and the impact it would have on her life. I think it’s more that it reflects the intensity of that time in your life when you are realizing how important the question of God’s existence really is and are grappling with who you will be when you grow up.

And I think we can all take note of the suggestion given to Carolyn by the widow of the undergraduate professor who had started her on the journey, in a letter written after Carolyn shared her new faith and asked for advice:

Oh yes, and have patience—with others, with God, and most importantly, with yourself. For it is by degrees that we truly learn that God is with us always.

So true.

Note: This is Book #109 of my 2011 Reads (master list here). I received a review copy for free from BookSneeze.com, and all opinions and comments are my own.

by Michael McFatridge

I mentioned yesterday how I have been reminded of hope a lot lately.  Here are a few more examples that all seem to tie in together for me.

So, that’s sort of where I’m at with things right now, just being willing to let God restore my hope and to help me let go of my expectations.

Surprise #1:  Michael requesting a photo shoot with two favorite stuffed animals

As I sit here writing out my thoughts for the first time in several weeks, I am thinking of the many reminders of hope that surround me.

And if you don’t believe that, check out this eight-year old who willingly took his first shower and loved it!

Surprise #2:  Taking his first shower and loving it!

It was recently suggested to me that I make a lot of my decisions out of fear, so this quote from Norman Vincent Peale caught my eye when I saw it the other day:

Fear can infect us early in life until eventually it cuts a deep groove of apprehension in all of our thinking. To counteract it, let faith, hope, and courage enter your thinking. Fear is strong, but faith is stronger yet.

One of my biggest motivators has probably been the fear of looking stupid. Ironic, because I am actually fairly intelligent. I remember my mother telling me, “For someone so smart, you sure are dumb!” when I couldn’t find something she sent me to look for in her bedroom. I think a lot of my unrealistic expectations for myself and others come out of the lack of guidance in my childhood.

For instance, if something doesn’t come easily to me, I can get very embarrassed or upset and will often avoid that activity. This come partly from the fear of looking dumb, but also from believing that I *should* be able to catch onto things quickly. That feeling of “it shouldn’t be this difficult” also leaves me wide open for getting easily frustrated with others when they aren’t able to do something or don’t respond the way I think they should.

I am learning that it is best to be straightforward about what you know and don’t know, what you can do and can’t do (yet), and that to just view that as looking at the facts, rather than as being a shameful thing. Even as I write this, I am thinking to myself, “Why even bother saying this? I’m sure everyone else already knows this and you are the only one who doesn’t get it.” But I’m saying it anyway because then I can hopefully move on from here to a better place in my thinking.

I recently had the pleasure of attending the Mother to Mother Luncheon, a wonderful event organized for moms of children with autism by a local group of moms with children on the spectrum, led by Elyse Cook (my friend and fellow ASD HOPE board member).

The luncheon was put together with the dual purpose of giving the 130 moms who came a great time eating and talking together while being waited on (for a change!) as well the chance to be encouraged in their faith. Many moms who are believers find themselves struggling to figure out how autism and God fit together, and the topic is not often addressed or discussed in other forums.

When the first luncheon was held in 2007, the speaker was Kathleen Deyer Bolduc, author of His Name Is Joel: Searching for God in a Son’s Disability. She shared eloquently about her challenges in accepting her son’s disability and reconciling her feelings with her faith in God.

This year, we were blessed to hear a talk by Ginger Taylor, a strong Christian and formidable autism mom who also happens to be a blogger

Ginger spoke on Priceless Perspectives in Autism Parenting, and I was so glad when she posted her notes on her Daily Discernment blog because I had said several times when telling people about the luncheon that I wished I could go back over some of the things she said that really blessed and challenged me.

I’m still processing some of it and haven’t had a chance to write down my thoughts in any detail, but I would encourage you to visit when you have a few minutes to read through her notes.

Photo by madmoiselle lavender❤.

The work was finished on the cross, and now we get to celebrate! Happy Easter everyone!

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