In So Many Words

*Okay, I know I’m just a tiny bit biased and maybe out of touch with reality a tad, but I am so thrilled that I really can’t contain it over this one.

The Background
Last Thursday evening, Michael was in his school’s talent show. He had wanted to enter last year but couldn’t think of anything to do for the show, and I wasn’t sure we were going to come up with anything this year either.

But then one day he came out of the school all excited because they had started learning Dance Dance Revolution in gym class, and he had done extremely well at it. He and his partner were the only team to get two stars both times during the class.

So he decided that was his talent and that he wanted to demonstrate the DDR moves he had learned for the show. He auditioned for his teacher and was sent on to a second audition for the principal and music teacher. They suggested that he should do it to music, which was another hurdle since he had a very specific rhythm in mind and it was virtually impossible to find a song that fit.

I did some research on DDR songs and finally found something that he recognized and liked (I’m actually not sure if it’s used in DDR but since it was the night before the second round of auditions, I was just so relieved to find something he would use).

By the next afternoon, he had secured his spot in the talent show. Over the next week, I tried to get him to practice, and he refused except for one time just so we could figure out exactly where he wanted the music to stop so he wouldn’t run out of energy. He just kept insisting that he knew what he was going to do and didn’t need to practice.

I was so nervous that night as to whether anything would go wrong, as you can imagine, but it went so well and I was so proud of him! Halfway through his routine, the audience started clapping along and he totally lit up at that and tried to clap along with them. When I told him later that he didn’t have to clap, he said that he just wanted to join in with them because they were having fun. I told him they were clapping because they wanted to be a part of what he was doing!

He also did the spin he wanted exactly on the right note without a cue from his TSS. Evidently he figured out what point in the song was 5 seconds before the spin and counted down from there. Pretty ingenious, I think, probably because I am so clueless when it comes to musical stuff.

The Video
Okay, so now that I’ve gone on and on and bored you with way too many details about the event, here is the video so you can see it for yourself. It is just over a minute and a half, and I’ve put the link below the embedded video for anyone who can’t play it from wherever you happen to be reading this post.

Link to Michael’s Talent Show Performance on YouTube

I’d love to hear what you think (as long as it’s suitably complimentary and full of adoration, of course!!).

SCARY BINGO

The first scary thing is a fun thing. Tonight I finished the bingo cards for the school party this Friday. They are a mix of handmade and computer-generated, and each kid will get a bag of candy corn to use for markers. The homeroom parent had done a similar game last year at the Valentine’s party and the kids loved it, so I just adapted it to Halloween. She said they played until every kid had his or her entire card filled up!

Each card has the squares in a slightly different order, and they will get the SCARY space and their own names as freebies before we start drawing cards.

A BIG SCARE FOR BOB

The second scary thing actually happened yesterday when Bob and Michael were out running errands, and luckily I didn’t know anything about it until they were both home safe and sound.

They had gone into the mall near our house and needed to go up to the second floor. Bob didn’t realize that Michael, who had been right behind him, didn’t get on the escalator, so as soon as he got to the top, he came back down to get him. But Michael took off before Bob got down there and then Bob couldn’t find him. It was several minutes before he was paged by security to come get Michael upstairs.

After talking to both of them, it turns out that Bob didn’t know Michael is afraid to step onto an escalator without holding someone’s hand and thought Michael would get on by himself when prompted. Of course, he also thought Michael would wait at the bottom for him to come back down.

Michael, on the other hand, had the idea that if Bob would wait at the top of the escalator, Michael could go up on the elevator and meet him there. So that’s what he did, but then of course Bob wasn’t there because he had come back down and was searching the first floor of the mall for Michael. When Michael couldn’t find Bob, he went into one of the stores nearby to look for him and then approached a “policeman” (mall security guard) for help.

I talked to Michael for what seems like the 100th time about how he has to stay with Mommy or Daddy at all times when we are out somewhere, and also that he can’t just go do an idea he thinks about, but has to talk to us about it first. I did tell him he did the right thing in going to the security officer for help.

This was definitely a big reminder to me that, no matter how well things are going, we need to keep ourselves within an arm’s reach of him at all times when we are out in public. I am just so incredibly thankful that this ended as it did.

I have alluded to an incident that occurred at my son’s school, but haven’t gone into detail because I have been working on getting it resolved and have just not had the emotional energy to write about it. There have been several outbursts which could have been handled better by the teacher and/or TSS*, but they are both learning more about how to work with Michael as time goes on, and I feel that both of them want this year to be very successful for him.

The thing that is the biggest issue is that the school secretary got involved in one of the situations and ended up carrying him into a room. Because this qualifies as a restraint, it actually has to be reported to the department of education. Also, an IEP meeting is supposed to be held within 10 school days unless I waive the meeting in writing.

The meeting was supposed to be Thursday (Friday was 10 days), but now it has been moved to Tuesday and allotted 15-20 minutes since we are evidently only talking about the restraint by the secretary. I’m going to email them back and say that we will need another meeting to talk about the rest of the issues that have arisen, and also that whatever we decide about how escalated situations arise needs to be added to the IEP in writing. I’m sure they’ll just love me, but I really don’t care anymore about that.

For anyone who is interested in the details, I’m copying the letter I sent to the Special Ed Supervisor after speaking with her the day after the incident. I’ll keep you posted on how it goes.

Thank you for calling on Friday; I appreciated the opportunity to speak with you regarding the incident that occurred at my son’s school on Thursday afternoon and, at your request, am emailing you my understanding of what happened. I am also copying the IEP team to keep everyone in the loop as we move forward.

The note in Michael’s daily communication folder on Thursday mentioned that the secretary had brought him into the music classroom when he didn’t want to go in, but wasn’t clear on exactly what happened, so I went in on Friday morning to discuss the situation with the school.

I have not spoken to everyone involved in this situation, but I did hear about the physical intervention directly from the school secretary, Mrs. X. Evidently Michael had become quite upset during music class when a movement activity was introduced (this is a known trigger for him). Because a quiet space has not yet been identified in that classroom, the TSS took him out in the hallway to calm down, per the “Engine Level” chart we have in his IEP.

For reasons I do not know, Michael went from the hallway to his first grade classroom to “pull a card” (this is related to the school behavior plan; we are currently in the middle of an FBA to develop a Positive Behavior Plan for Michael). While he was there, the teacher talked to him about returning to music. The teacher reported to me that he said, “I would rather die than go back to music.” At some point, she called down to the office for the principal to come and talk to him. He was not available, and eventually Michael agreed to walk back to class with the TSS. Upon arriving at the music classroom, he became upset again and refused to go back in.

Since the principal was not available, the school secretary had come upstairs to assist with the situation and told me that Michael was lying down in front of the door to the music room. She stated that she told him he couldn’t stay there because it wasn’t safe and that he had to go into the music room. I was not told of him being given the option of returning to the quiet space, or any other options. She then picked him up under the arms and carried him into the room.

I understand that she was acting on her best instincts, but I feel this crossed the line both physically and emotionally. I need to feel that my son is safe when he comes to school each day, and it scares me that a situation can get so far out of control on just the fourth day of school and with a seven-year old child who is simply trying to communicate his distress in a way that will be heard by those responsible for him.

We need to respond to his behavior as a form of communication and to follow the plan agreed on in the IEP to handle the situation instead of escalating it by our actions. Then we can go back later to look at what we need to change to avoid his being triggered the next time he is in a similar situation.

I have followed up by phone with the principal, Mr. Y, who has apologized for the incident and assures me that there will be no further involuntary physical intervention with Michael. His case manager, Mrs. Z, and I will also be working with Ms. A, his autism consultant, to address the various other issues at work here with the staff and the IEP.

In speaking with Ms. A, she had said to me that this should be reported to the state as an incident of restraint. Mr. Y [the principal, in case you lost track of my assigned letters] feels that it did not go that far. I am not an expert in this area, and my primary concern is that we all acknowledge the inappropriateness of physically moving him and agree that any intervention of that sort would only take place in the face of actual immediate danger.

Again, I appreciate your time and concern for this situation. I am confident that as a team we can make the necessary adjustments to support Michael appropriately at [this school].

Any advice on how to keep my emotions on an even keel when they are changing daily (sometimes hourly) as I try to figure out how to deal with all the different issues this year has brought up so far is welcomed. It’s hard to really get my thoughts together because I get so upset when I start thinking about it all.

*TSS stands for Therapeutic Support Staff, and this is a person who provides behavioral support. They are not employed by school but are funded through Medical Assistance and directed by a Behavioral Specialist Consultant. The BSC does go to the school and will also be helping with this situation, but I didn’t mention her specifically in the letter.

Although I have been pretty fortunate so far with Michael’s teachers and other staff (with only a couple of notable exceptions), just the mention of this topic still raises my stress level a couple of notches.

The relationship between parent and teacher can be difficult to navigate, especially when you have a child with special needs and several other teachers and staff thrown into the mix. I’m always curious about what system or arrangement other parents have worked out, and that’s why Communicating with Teachers and Paraprofessionals is the subject of this week’s Try This Tuesday over at 5 Minutes for Special Needs.

I’d love to hear what works for you, or what hasn’t worked for your. Please pop on over to share your thoughts or, better yet, post about it on your blog and link up to the column. You can also visit the other participants to hear their thoughts on this topic or another issue they have been dealing with in their own lives.